Welcome to the

After years of tyrannical oppression from the south-east of England, we, the people of South Yorkshire (well, one of them anyway) have declared our independance as a separate republic. We demand the following:

• Private Business will be banned. As, thanks to current government policy, there are no private businesses in South Yorkshire, this will not cause any upheaval.
• Anyone mentioning the Full Monty everytime they refer to Sheffield as if it is still a humourous thing to do will be hunted down and killed. You might think its a good film, but frankly we're getting a bit sick of it up here.

We will provide the following:

• Reopen all the pits, whether there is actually any coal down them or not
• Meadowhall Retail Park will be torn down. We were originally going to turn it into a camp to hold opponents of the new regime, but it was pointed out that forcibly keeping people in such a place whould probably count as 'cruel and unusual torture'. Especially if the singing bears where there.
• The Supertram will be expanded along the lines of the current philosophy. Hence, further routes will be put in to ensure that it reachs all the remaining impoverished areas of Sheffield, particularly those that are currently being demolished, while continuaing to avoid any areas where the middle-class or, even worse, students live. This will therefore give even greater scope for those without the money to travel to go to places where they won't be able to spend any money.
• The current policy of Sheffield United, which appears to be to stay in the much more worker-friendly division one rather than attempt to get promotion into the premier league is to be applauded.

We have already taken steps to ensure that any attempted invasion will fail. We can now reveal that the secret policy of the city council road mending system has been leading up to this moment for years, and we have a great number of tank traps ready. These have previously been known under the code name 'potholes'

As all previous Communist revolutions failed because the revolutionaries took power rather than the workers. We therefore call on the workers of South Yorkshire to unite. If you have any information on the location of anyone in South Yorkshire who actually still has a job, please let us know, as we've only found one so far and they need someone else to unite with.

Anyone opposing the new regime will be sent to the gulags of Barnsley. You have been warned.

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*This entire page is a joke by the way.